accomplished twins. life is a go
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
