too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
