she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
