I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
