I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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