were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
