I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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