It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
