You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
