He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
