Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
