There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
