Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
