So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
