she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
