and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
