The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
