Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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