please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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