bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
