I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
