my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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