You can't special order awesome
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
