I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ttyl tear gas
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
