The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
