you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
