last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
