It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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