also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
