Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
