When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
