I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
