It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
