I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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