Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
