I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
