Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
