I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
