It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
then he tried to convert me to islam
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
