I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
