hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
