Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
