so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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