I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
