I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
