dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
