worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
