If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
