It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wish there were birth control emojis
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
