dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
