Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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