who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
